Sunday, 31 May 2015

Dont judge.

I may seem confident and like I have too much to say, I may come across like I know where I'm going and what I'm doing. You may assume I'm judgemental and a little stuck up or hardened even.  

However the truth is, I'm sensitive and I take everything to heart (I have a heart tattoo on my wrist to symbolize this), I sometimes feel lost and out of control. I get anxious about large social environments and meeting new people. I can come across as ignorant because I'm shy and nervous as I never know what to say. I don't trust very easily and I overthink every situation.

I have been through some tough times, as has everyone but I can now say I have come out the other side as a much better person. I've over come my demons and I've learnt from my mistakes. I can finally look back on those times objectively without feeling anger.  

In my darkest days, I hated the world and was extremely angry at myself and at the situation I was in. Instead of doing something about it I got myself deeper and deeper into the rut which just made me even more angrier with the world, this turned me into a not very nice person.

For a long time I couldn't see a way out, I was suffocated and extremely lost. It was like living in a dark tunnel where you couldn't see anything outside of that tunnel and you didn't let anyone else in. I didn't care about anything or anyone and I didn't care if I came out the other side. I lost all hope and all perspective. My only objective was to get through that day. It become my normality and my own little reality. 

My nightmare continued for 8 years. 

For a long time after I was extremly bitter about the 8 years that were taken away from me but I've come to terms with the fact those 8 years I choose to waste and I can not change it. 

The smallest of things can bring it all back and trigger the fear of that tunnel. But that fear is what keeps me going in the right direction and not look back to that place. 

Thankfully I'm not that person or in that place anymore.

Linked up with:
The Little Life of Ickle Pickle

Everything Mummy


  1. I'm amazed how many bloggers have experienced emotional trauma, anxiety and depression. I imagine your post will give comfort to many and I'm glad you are stronger now #sundaystars

  2. I'm glad that you have been able to move on from your difficult times and get to a better place, and I am sure that others will be reassured by your post that things can get better.

    I can really relate to everything in your second paragraph - that is exactly how I am. #mummymonday

  3. Really good post, very honest and true.

    Helen - #mummymondays

  4. Thank you for sharing this. You have been on a journey and grown. That is what life is about. Learning about those deep and hurt places can free us to live more fully. It sounds as if you can be proud of yourself and how you have developed on your path through life.

  5. Congrats on taking back your life!

  6. Very honest post - I'm so glad you have come through the bad times and seeing the positives :) #myfavouritepost

  7. Excellent post, really brave and honest. I hope others in the same situation read it and it gives them hope that things can change for the better. #myfavouritepost

  8. such a brave post I'm glad to hear you've come out of the other side now its easy to look back on those darker times and feel down but you must remember your so courageous to have changed it thanks for linking up to #sundaystars

  9. A very honest post, may your brighter days continue. Thank you for linking up to #MyFavouritePost Kaz x

  10. I love your insight. It sounds like you are in a much better place now, but were you really willing or where you pushed into that dark tunnel? So much of abuse is about control, please don't be to hard on yourself. Thanks for linking up with #MyFavouritePost